Well, to be honest, i couldn’t think of what kind of title I should put there – but there you go. Don’t be expecting a list because it’s not that kind of post.
I’d been meaning to update a couple of times since the last post. Last weekend was the most recent time I planned to sit and pop something up here. However, news I received early last Saturday morning kind of meant that I really didn’t feel like it.
Last the week before, mum had called to let me know the Dr’s felt it wasn’t going to be a long time before Nana passed on. She’s been in and out of hospital quite a bit over the past year. Mostly for tests to confirm what was going on. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything long and lingering. Some of the results had me believing that nothing really was going to change in a hurry. It turns out that Nana had a mass inside her heart – it was quite large and floated : not attached to any particular part of the heart. That, it seems, was the cause of her more recent “turns” that had been coming about more and more often recently. On first hearing this, i didn’t really go into a panic about what it might mean: Nana has been having her “funny turns” off and on for years. The fact it was happening more and more frequently did set some bells ringing, but the reality is, Nana has been around all my life – there wasn’t any real reason that should change now.
So in the week leading up to last weekend, when Mum called to let me know the Dr had given advice that Nana was in heart failure and could go “tomorrow, the day after, next week or next month”, my mind was instantly calmed at the thought it would be more likely to be next month. There was no real rush to have things change!
Turns out Nana’s time was a lot sooner. Despite the warnings, depsite the knowledge it was imminent, the news arriving early last Saturday morning was still a shock.
In amongst the numbness I felt at the news, there was also an overwhelming sense of gratitude. At 39, I feel so very lucky I still had a Nana and a Grandad. I still do have a Grandad. One with lots of stories to share. At 39, I’ve been lucky to have had a great relationship with my Nana that saw her pass on many gifts when I was younger – my love of knitting and cross-stitch is definitely something she gave to me. It was her that had the patience to sit with me and explain, yet again!, how to make that stitch work or to show me why the embroidery hadn’t quite worked the way it should and help me re-do it. It was in Nana’s house I remember the smells of preserving – jams and fruit. (I also remember the smell of cabbage that had gone on at 10am for a 12 noon lunch… we won’t dwell on it!) It was Nana and Grandad that got to take me on my first overseas trip. It was Nana that I persuaded all that time ago to make Apple Dumplings for me – even though she didn’t like doing it and has never done it since! It was Nana that washed my mouth out with soap when I told her that “Dad had buggered it up” – even though I protested that all I did was repeat what my dad had told me! It was Nana that made my friends dropping in with me on the way to Dunedin one uni trip feel as much part of the family as I did.
So, I’m going to miss Nana. A lot.
But I still feel lucky. She was, afterall, a very good Nana.